Since puberty I have fought an loosing battle with weight. There have been leaner times and thicker times but always in the eyes of most I would never be considered the ideal. We live in a society that puts way to much emphasis on what a person looks like on the outside. Impossible, unattainable ideals scream out at us from the pages of magazines, catalogs and the big and little screens. Men and woman wrinkle up their noses at people who are overweight and have no problem saying hurtful things to complete strangers because of their size. Most people in society by medical standards would be considered over weight or obese. So how is it if you do not fit into the mold of perfection of today's standards does one learn to love thyself? For the most part I am comfortable in my skin no matter its shape or size. It has not always been that way and I have my moments of doubt as I do at right now. I don't think that is very different from most human beings and just about every woman but there were a few specific things that have gotten me thinking and doubting myself. First there is the fact that I absolutely hate every thing in my closet and let me tell you there are tons and tons of clothes in my Narnia closet. It's not that they fit any different or look any different than when I bought them. Many pieces I can not stand to look at right now I have worn plenty and totally rocked in the past. But for whatever reason when I look into the mirror these days I hate everything. So a few staple pieces come out, the ones that still make me feel like a million bucks and I am doing the best I can to avoid even looking at the others. Eventually my mind frame will do a U-turn and I will bring those puppies back out and feel good doing so. Another thing that has made me ponder are two photo shopping controversies in the fashion industry. First up Anne Taylor. Who makes classic elegant clothing but for whatever reason feels the need to shrink down their already skinny models until they look almost un-human. This is the second controversy this year the first the company appologized for and the newest one was blamed on a glitch in the programming of their web-site. But despite "this glitch" the fact is that someone has to photoshop that poor girl to look like that in the first place and it is very frightening. I can not fit into the majority of the clothes out on the market and when you walk by the stores and see the mannequins or flip through a magazines print ads you wonder can ANYONE fit into these clothes. For the most part the answer is no or if they do they look nothing like the woman who are showing the clothes on runways and in editorial spreads. The second controversy was Glamor Magazine photos of Cryrstal Reen. Anyone who shops at Lane Bryant would know Crystal on sight. A leggy beautiful brunette she has been modeling since her teens. When she first started out she tried to work within the realm of size 2 models and battled (exercise) anorexia for her trouble. She then found a comfortable size 14 weight and became a plus sized fashion darling. I find the fact that at 5'9 and 165 pounds she was considered plus sized a bit disconcerting. None of the girls who model for LB look plus sized to me but by industry standards they are just that. Recently Cryrstal started exercising again and lost 15 pounds. She did a photo shoot where the photographer proceeded to make her look like the heroin sheik models of the late 90's. People did a article with Cryrstal standing in a bathing suit looking toned and healthy and the pics of her in the photoshoot. It was clearly understandable how her friends and family who saw the pics were worried. The pics were like night and day and considering her past problems not very considerate to her or those who love her.. Here is a woman who is beautiful and womanly with curves and she is still not good enough. I can not begin to comprehend what the fashion industry is doing and why they can not make any kind of concessions for what is going on in the real world. Red carpets and the small percentage of woman who can wear their size 0 ideal can not be making them bank. Until there is a happy medium none of the negative views,feelings and images we have of ourselves will change. I have absolutely nothing against the models. They are gorgeous and look fabulous in whatever they wear. But I don't think for a moment that they don't work hard or give up the guilty pleasures of life to work in their field. I also do not believe they look nearly as perfect as they seem as now any perceived flaw can be fixed with photoshop. The last thing that has made me think was a friend who shared with me her own self doubt. Not used to living in a larger skin she is hurting. Stress and health issues are major contributors to her weight gain and unfortunately there is little on either of those fronts she can change right now. The words she used to describe herself held venom and selfishly I have to say they stung even me. She reached out for encouragement and reassurance and it was given but I felt like my words would do little to break the wall of her self doubt. Hopefully she will find her way to be content with the person she is and in the meantime keep doing the things she loves to do. Letting your weight keep you from doing the things that bring you joy will in the long run make you feel worse and sink you into a deeper depression about the situation. You got to keep moving. Life does not stop whether you are a size 6 or a size 26. Get out and be the best you can be and love yourself while your doing it. Words I am trying hard to live by.
* Just wanted to add a little note in reply to a comment a friend made to this posting on Facebook. It is not just those of us with extra pounds that feel the sting of our societies bias. The fear and anxiety of fitting into the norms of society effect petite and plus sized alike. I suppose everyone has issues and with things how they are how could they not. Thanks my friend for sharing your story and point of view with me*
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