Experience NOT required.

I have worked for the same company for nineteen years. It was the first place I applied to the summer after graduating high school. It was the first interview I ever went on. I remember leaving the interview with my Dad saying if they didn't give you the job right then I should keep looking and applying at other places. I remember his disbelief when later that day they called me back and hired me. I remember how bad my body hurt in those first few months of putting the store together but still being filled with pride that I was working and watching something come together. I have spent five days a week for my entire adult life with the walls of one building. I have been thinking about the first few years I was working a lot lately. Wondering where it all went wrong. There was always politics involved in my job. I found that despite all my hard work I was passed up several times for promotions. Insult was added to the injury when I was then expected to train the person who had beat me out of the job. For nine of the years I ran the Entertainment Department. I was known as "the Guru" cause if anyone came in looking for a movie or CD I would know exactly who they were looking for. But I got burnt out and tired of the grind of that job and decided when another position came available to work overnight on the merchandising team I had to make the move. For the first three years I ran the team without getting the pay. My supervisor was day side and had little to do with the day to day running of the department. I was angry about that. Someone else was doing all the work but he was getting all the credit. When he left the company I applied for the job. I was apprehensive about it afraid of being passed up yet again. But the store manager was someone who I had worked for several times over the years and he went to bat for me and I got the job. I soon found out that while I had not been getting the pay I had also not had to deal with all the bullshit. All of the interaction between my ex-boss and the executives was something I finally had to deal with first hand. Our manager had been there for a very long time so even though we would butt heads now and again we had a mutual respect and he was a firm believer in leaving me be if the work was getting done.

That all changed about a year and a half ago. A new Executive took over the per-view of my area and from the moment he arrived I knew that I was in trouble. We butted heads from the beginning. He had never worked retail before and had very little training before coming in to the store but he acted as if he knew everything. Suddenly all my experience and expertise meant absolutely nothing. I found that I had to justify every step I made. Everything I did was wrong or not within company directive. My opinion would be requested and then dismissed. I was accused of being inflexible and unable to adjust to change. What it came down to though was it was his way or the highway and anyone (not just me) who challenged him was a problem. It did not matter that I had been doing the job for years or that in reality he had no idea how to do my job and had to constently ask questions, most about the simplest aspects of the department. It also did not matter that many times when in confrontation with anyone he would more than likely be in the wrong. As time went on I started to dread every moment I was in the building when he was. I would fear the sound of his voice, him calling for me,the chance he would walk around the corner. There was always another shoe in hand waiting for him to drop. I lived for the days when he was not in the building. I had contentious relationships with several members of management over the years but I have never disliked anyone more than I dislike this man. But it was not only his presence that changed. All of a sudden more and more responsibility was being added on to the team leader position. More emphasis was being placed on meetings, sales numbers, reports and development. For me, many of these things were pointless as the criteria the company has for advancement meant I would never go any further than I already was. My regular work load had not diminished and my team fluctuated in size so often that it was hard to ever get a firm grip on the basic responsibilities of the job much less take on more work. I feel as though those of us who had been with the company a long time were being pushed even harder and in the general direction of the front door. All of us knowing that they could pay two or three people what they were paying us and be able to bring in younger individuals who had aspirations of being upper management. In fact they have said that all department heads should intend on being upper management and meet the criteria to move up. So how do you think it made those of us grandfathered into our positions feel? Like complete shit. I never thought that experience and loyalty and the desire to want to stay in your position would be seen as a detriment. But that is exactly what it had become. None of the things that I believe should be valued in a good employee mean anything in the company I work for. They want higher educated youth that look good on paper but have absolutely no work ethic. Who will smile and say the right thing at the right time and be able to answer the questions the right way and spout out numbers on command. They also want leaders who will separate themselves from those they work with. Be able to tell those working beneath them that they are not working hard enough even though they do no work themselves. To write these people up when they do not meet their expectations. I mean how much can you really expect from someone working for eight dollars a hour with little chance for advancement? Where are their incentives? I could not be that kind of boss. I believed in standing in the trenches with my crew. Having a good rapport and garnering their respect by showing them that I was willing to do anything I was asking of them and had been doing so for many years. I was not always easy. Hot blooded I had my moments but I'd like to think I was more than fair over the years. This last year and a half has been the hardest I have known. Last winter things got worse when the store manager left the company. My one source of protection from my direct supervisor was gone. From then on it was like being beaten up on a daily basis. I really equate the last six months of my life with being in an abusive relationship. I kept going back for more though knowing full well what the end result would be. When he gave me my review this year (the worst I have ever had) he tells me that since I am at the salary cap I would not be getting an increase but it didn't matter because I already made a boat load of money. I looked and him and asked him if he was jealous. I was dumbfounded and I thought to myself the money is so not worth this shit that is for sure. Things changed again at the beginning of May. I got another direct supervisor. I hoped for some relief. It did not come. I was gone for vacation and blamed for everything that went awry while I was away. I was not back three days when I was called up into the office and given the riot act. I was told that I was being a team member and not a team leader and that I did to much of the work. Everyone on my team should be capable of doing my job and that I should hold them to that standard. I thought to myself two things. One that not a member of my team wants to be me especially without being paid for it and two that if they are all as good at my job as I am what the hell was I there for. Last Friday I was called up to the office and told that my job performance was unsatisfactory and they expected to see immediate improvement or they would take further corrective action against me. Being told that was like being hit in the gut. All of the air went out of my body. In all the years I have worked for the company I have never been told my work was unsatisfactory. My job and position had never been threatened. The writing that had been on the wall behind me was suddenly front and center and I knew without a doubt that I could not keep going the way I was. I had spent so much time crying, being depressed and hating every single day that I had to work. I had lost all of the love and pride I had and took in my job. I could not hide my anger and resentment and I was finding it harder and harder not to blow up. I was scared of what I might do and what I might say. I was scared also to loose the my job altogether. I knew without a doubt I would be unemployed within months if I stayed in the position. All of the fear I had over making the change of loosing my finally comfortable income was overtaken by the fear of being without a job all together. So on Monday I stepped down from my leadership position. I am still scared of what will come next. How I will adjust to a new income. Whether or not they will be fair with hours and the idea of looking for new employment but I know that my baby step was one in the right direction. I will (for now) be staying with the company but no longer will I be responsible for the day to day running of my department. No longer will I have to deal with all of the crap that went along with it. I will gladly walk amongst the others who actually make the store run. I will come in and I will work hard and I will go home and leave the workplace behind. Something I have not been able to do for a very long time. The shadow of what I do for a living just got smaller and hopefully some of the sunshine that has been missing will be able to finally shine through. I can already feel some relief from the heavy stress and anxiety leaving me. It started with the decision to do what I should have done a long time ago but letting go is never easy now is it? I am just glad I finally was able to pry my own fingers away from the ledge!