Ranting and Raving Vol 1 : Can you hear me now?

Can you hear you now? Can I HEAR you now???

Why yes I can freaking can hear you now, you are in the middle of a public place having a private conversation! I am amazed by the overall lack of common courtesy and manners in this day and age. No one says excuse me or uses the turn signals on their car. No one bothers to wrangle their children when they are pulling stuff off the shelves and throwing them on the floor or calm them when they are screaming their fool heads off. People openly scream profanities and improper comments hoping for a look or better yet a confrontation. They cut in front of you in lines and pitch hissy fits when they try to get away with something they know is wrong. Working in retail and being an avid people watcher I see the worst that humanity has to offer when it comes to the very basic in etiquette. My biggest pet peeve is cell phones. Yesterday I went to the movies and in the middle of a tense scene a man in the front of the theater took a call and started talking very loudly. I was infuriated as were many in the theater who were doing their best to shhhhh the man without totally loosing their concentration on the film. He continued to talk until he was good and ready to quit and when he was done talking guess what he did??? He got up and left the theater and NEVER came back! This happens quite often actually but this case was to the extreme but in all cases answering a call in the theater is completely unacceptable. There are postings all over the theater about cell phone use, there is even little mini movies that they show you after the previews telling you to PLEASE TURN YOUR CELL PHONES OFF!! I'll be honest I don't care if World War Three has started around us when your in the theater turn your phone to off (or at the very least SILENT). If a call comes in and you HAVE to take it. Go outside. Your not watching the movie if you are talking anyway so there is no need to ruin the experience for everyone in the theater because you are a putz. Movie theaters (or Broadway shows.. yeah I've been to a show where a cell has started ringing) are but just one place where people have no regard for others when it comes to their cell phones. They honestly have taken over the lives of most people. They are glued to their hand or their ear and are constantly being checked for messages or texts. You totally loose your dinner companion to a rapid succession of important text messages or a call from the significant other on the state of milk in the refrigerator. People stop in the middle of busy walkways, door ways and in front of escalators to get their fix, not even considering that they are keeping others from getting where they need to go. They have their ringers up so loud (or to the most annoying setting) that they could wake the dead. I have been privy to conversations about cheating spouses,STD's and most recently a girl in a dressing room at Macy's who went into detail about her upcoming incarceration for assault (yes I stayed where I was until I was sure she was in a dressing room and I could get away safely). Yeah there are many many conversations that I have heard snippets of that I REALLY REALLY wish I hadn't. I also love those little ear pieces. I always think that people are talking to themselves or worse yet at times me and once I almost got in a fight with a woman who was walking behind me. She yelled out What a Fucking Bitch and I thought she was talking to me. I turned around with fire in my eyes and a flair in my nose to see a little blue blinking light coming off the side of her head. She of course was oblivious and just kept right on walking... I have almost been run off the road and cut off by men and woman swerving through traffic chatting away like they were sitting on the couch at home instead of behind the wheel of a two ton potential killing machine. I see campaigns now about cell phone usage when driving. Making a personal commitment to not talk or text when behind the wheel. Some states have banned it or attached fines to cell phone usage. All lovely ideas but those who honestly think cell phones and driving do not mix (or actually obey the other laws of the road) already DON'T talk or text while driving. People tell me they have to have their cells, that they have to be reachable at all times. It makes me wonder what people did before we had cell phones. It makes me wonder how the poor people of this world who have yet to succumb to this epidemic handle emergencies and crisis. For the record I own and use a cell phone. It is a pay as you go number because frankly I have no need for a pay out the ass minutes plan. I recently upgraded to what most people would think is an obsolete phone only because my other phone was falling apart. I take an occasional call. Most are never picked up cause I leave my phone in my handbag or on the counter (on vibrate or silent). I call back on most occasions on my home phone. Just about every conversation (more than a couple of minutes tops) should be handled in private . I am sure that my lack of reachability ganks on the nerves of the few people on my contact list that actually try to reach me on my cell but hey I've told ya to call me at home and that my phone is not attached to my hip. I have never taken a call that I would say involved a emergency. I text more than I talk but I will excuse myself if in others company or involve them in the text conversation (if it is someone they know as well) and when in public places I find a place off to the side out of peoples way to answer my texts. I have had some pretty intense conversations by text so I suppose I should be grateful for those who do as I do and text their anger,frustration or assassination attempts instead of vocalizing them. I wish I could say I was hopeful that people would regain some respect for others when it comes to their cell phone usage. But I really don't. This week while at work I noticed a new trend. People walking past me with the MP3 players on their phones a blaring. Oh how I look forward to a summer of Booty shorts and booty music. You just gotta LOVE it!

Experience NOT required.

I have worked for the same company for nineteen years. It was the first place I applied to the summer after graduating high school. It was the first interview I ever went on. I remember leaving the interview with my Dad saying if they didn't give you the job right then I should keep looking and applying at other places. I remember his disbelief when later that day they called me back and hired me. I remember how bad my body hurt in those first few months of putting the store together but still being filled with pride that I was working and watching something come together. I have spent five days a week for my entire adult life with the walls of one building. I have been thinking about the first few years I was working a lot lately. Wondering where it all went wrong. There was always politics involved in my job. I found that despite all my hard work I was passed up several times for promotions. Insult was added to the injury when I was then expected to train the person who had beat me out of the job. For nine of the years I ran the Entertainment Department. I was known as "the Guru" cause if anyone came in looking for a movie or CD I would know exactly who they were looking for. But I got burnt out and tired of the grind of that job and decided when another position came available to work overnight on the merchandising team I had to make the move. For the first three years I ran the team without getting the pay. My supervisor was day side and had little to do with the day to day running of the department. I was angry about that. Someone else was doing all the work but he was getting all the credit. When he left the company I applied for the job. I was apprehensive about it afraid of being passed up yet again. But the store manager was someone who I had worked for several times over the years and he went to bat for me and I got the job. I soon found out that while I had not been getting the pay I had also not had to deal with all the bullshit. All of the interaction between my ex-boss and the executives was something I finally had to deal with first hand. Our manager had been there for a very long time so even though we would butt heads now and again we had a mutual respect and he was a firm believer in leaving me be if the work was getting done.

That all changed about a year and a half ago. A new Executive took over the per-view of my area and from the moment he arrived I knew that I was in trouble. We butted heads from the beginning. He had never worked retail before and had very little training before coming in to the store but he acted as if he knew everything. Suddenly all my experience and expertise meant absolutely nothing. I found that I had to justify every step I made. Everything I did was wrong or not within company directive. My opinion would be requested and then dismissed. I was accused of being inflexible and unable to adjust to change. What it came down to though was it was his way or the highway and anyone (not just me) who challenged him was a problem. It did not matter that I had been doing the job for years or that in reality he had no idea how to do my job and had to constently ask questions, most about the simplest aspects of the department. It also did not matter that many times when in confrontation with anyone he would more than likely be in the wrong. As time went on I started to dread every moment I was in the building when he was. I would fear the sound of his voice, him calling for me,the chance he would walk around the corner. There was always another shoe in hand waiting for him to drop. I lived for the days when he was not in the building. I had contentious relationships with several members of management over the years but I have never disliked anyone more than I dislike this man. But it was not only his presence that changed. All of a sudden more and more responsibility was being added on to the team leader position. More emphasis was being placed on meetings, sales numbers, reports and development. For me, many of these things were pointless as the criteria the company has for advancement meant I would never go any further than I already was. My regular work load had not diminished and my team fluctuated in size so often that it was hard to ever get a firm grip on the basic responsibilities of the job much less take on more work. I feel as though those of us who had been with the company a long time were being pushed even harder and in the general direction of the front door. All of us knowing that they could pay two or three people what they were paying us and be able to bring in younger individuals who had aspirations of being upper management. In fact they have said that all department heads should intend on being upper management and meet the criteria to move up. So how do you think it made those of us grandfathered into our positions feel? Like complete shit. I never thought that experience and loyalty and the desire to want to stay in your position would be seen as a detriment. But that is exactly what it had become. None of the things that I believe should be valued in a good employee mean anything in the company I work for. They want higher educated youth that look good on paper but have absolutely no work ethic. Who will smile and say the right thing at the right time and be able to answer the questions the right way and spout out numbers on command. They also want leaders who will separate themselves from those they work with. Be able to tell those working beneath them that they are not working hard enough even though they do no work themselves. To write these people up when they do not meet their expectations. I mean how much can you really expect from someone working for eight dollars a hour with little chance for advancement? Where are their incentives? I could not be that kind of boss. I believed in standing in the trenches with my crew. Having a good rapport and garnering their respect by showing them that I was willing to do anything I was asking of them and had been doing so for many years. I was not always easy. Hot blooded I had my moments but I'd like to think I was more than fair over the years. This last year and a half has been the hardest I have known. Last winter things got worse when the store manager left the company. My one source of protection from my direct supervisor was gone. From then on it was like being beaten up on a daily basis. I really equate the last six months of my life with being in an abusive relationship. I kept going back for more though knowing full well what the end result would be. When he gave me my review this year (the worst I have ever had) he tells me that since I am at the salary cap I would not be getting an increase but it didn't matter because I already made a boat load of money. I looked and him and asked him if he was jealous. I was dumbfounded and I thought to myself the money is so not worth this shit that is for sure. Things changed again at the beginning of May. I got another direct supervisor. I hoped for some relief. It did not come. I was gone for vacation and blamed for everything that went awry while I was away. I was not back three days when I was called up into the office and given the riot act. I was told that I was being a team member and not a team leader and that I did to much of the work. Everyone on my team should be capable of doing my job and that I should hold them to that standard. I thought to myself two things. One that not a member of my team wants to be me especially without being paid for it and two that if they are all as good at my job as I am what the hell was I there for. Last Friday I was called up to the office and told that my job performance was unsatisfactory and they expected to see immediate improvement or they would take further corrective action against me. Being told that was like being hit in the gut. All of the air went out of my body. In all the years I have worked for the company I have never been told my work was unsatisfactory. My job and position had never been threatened. The writing that had been on the wall behind me was suddenly front and center and I knew without a doubt that I could not keep going the way I was. I had spent so much time crying, being depressed and hating every single day that I had to work. I had lost all of the love and pride I had and took in my job. I could not hide my anger and resentment and I was finding it harder and harder not to blow up. I was scared of what I might do and what I might say. I was scared also to loose the my job altogether. I knew without a doubt I would be unemployed within months if I stayed in the position. All of the fear I had over making the change of loosing my finally comfortable income was overtaken by the fear of being without a job all together. So on Monday I stepped down from my leadership position. I am still scared of what will come next. How I will adjust to a new income. Whether or not they will be fair with hours and the idea of looking for new employment but I know that my baby step was one in the right direction. I will (for now) be staying with the company but no longer will I be responsible for the day to day running of my department. No longer will I have to deal with all of the crap that went along with it. I will gladly walk amongst the others who actually make the store run. I will come in and I will work hard and I will go home and leave the workplace behind. Something I have not been able to do for a very long time. The shadow of what I do for a living just got smaller and hopefully some of the sunshine that has been missing will be able to finally shine through. I can already feel some relief from the heavy stress and anxiety leaving me. It started with the decision to do what I should have done a long time ago but letting go is never easy now is it? I am just glad I finally was able to pry my own fingers away from the ledge!

My bite of the Apple

Everyone has a happy place. A room, a place, a subject that they use to find a bit of freedom from the hectic everyday life. Sometimes things just seem to bog you down and it is wonderful to have a outlet to release your pent up frustrations and just breath. I find all to often I forget to do that and my skin has a permanent faint blue coloration from lack of oxygen. For the last ten years my number one go to happy place has been.... New York City. For ten days a year I go to the hustle and bustle the glitz and the grunge and forget the methodical replay that is my day to day life and immerse myself in the world I wish that I lived in. I swear to you the electricity hits from the moment the plane touches ground at the airport and the air just seems to hum with the promise of what could be. I am never at a loss for things to do places to go but it does not matter what the day holds there will always be something new fun and exciting awaiting. I can spend the day moseying through a museum or spending tons of cash shopping til I drop. I could also just find a nice little spot and park myself in a chair and spend time chatting with my Aunt (love ya Lee) or watching the people go by. The get up and go that has gone up and went in my everyday life comes by to visit and man does it ever feel good to catch up with an old friend. I can never begin to express how much my visits mean and how much they make me think and hope. Hope is precious commodity so I am eternally grateful for the Big Apples generosity and open arms. Thanks for a life time of memories (with hopefully many more to come!)

New York 2010

This year held all of the wonderful things I love about the city. Walks in the park, the Fashion institutes exhibit at the Met (and and even superior companion exhibit at the Brooklyn) the marvel that is Macys, cheesecake, celebrities and the fact that for twenty seven dollars you can go anywhere you want and no car is needed. This year held a extra little something special the chance to meet a couple of the ladies I spend so much time chatting up online. Christina and Nye thank you for coming in to the city to meet up with me. Miss C our time was to short but you had your own adventure to start and the fact that you trekked in even for that short amount of time meant the world to me. Nye and my new bud Cassandra. It was wonderful checking out the stars in wax (what happened to the shot of me looking down Rob's pants?),traipsing around the park looking for Alice,paying our respects at the WTC and ending the day in one of my favorite places Times Square eating shrimp. Up and down the isle of Manhattan and with a few minutes to spare got you to your train on time. Hope you got everything out of the day that you wanted I know I did. I hope that in future visits I get the chance to meet up with you all again as well as those of you I did not get the opportunity to hook up with this time. I also got the chance to spend some time with my lovely Aunt Lisa who is always game for anything (even this year when she was feeling ill and probably would have preferred to stay under the covers) and is always there with a kind word and a remainder that life is what you make it. My favorite cheerleader and moral support. I always look forward to spending time with you in the city doing anything or absolutely nothing.

Museums visited:

The Met ( best damned marbled pound cake) Picasso and American Woman's fashion

Moma (a close encounter with A Hornet) Naked people and another exhibit that was just lost on my ass

Natural History Museum. ( a nice nap in a darkened room full of school kids) a chance to work the camera with some graceful butterflies and slithery lizards and snakes. I really love the NHM something about it is very calming. I spend the entire day and always feel good afterwards

The Brooklyn. (freaking awesome roasted pepper soup) and a fashion exhibit that blew the one at the MET away. Beautifully presented and awe inspiring. It took my breath away.

Madame Tussuad's A tourist trap intuition that either made you do a double take or made you laugh out loud. How is it possible that some of the figures look like they stepped off the page stage or screen and others are painfully inaccurate?

National Geographic. KING TUT. Wanna catch my attention have something Egyptian. This exhibit was well done and this museum is two for two after last years tremendous exhibition of the Titanic artifacts.

Central Park -I could spend days within your hallowed grounds. I love love love love love you. One of the greatest little gems ever conceived.

Macy's - My own personal Mecca... Why oh why have you not graced me with your presence here at home.

Shopping rundown: (everyone always asks me what did you buy)

Tops 6

Earrings 4

Rings 2

Necklaces 2

Sunglasses 1

Shoes 2 (thank you Rachael Roy for the greatest little go to sandals of the summer)

Books 1 (which I had to buy cause I forgot to bring my HON book with me that day and does not count since it will be going back to B&G lol)

Bags 1 (always in need of a cross shoulder bag for NYC. I comfortable there but not crazy) this one is soft and supple and just about the right size. Thanks Fossil

Refrigerator magnets 18 (I always look for magnets and postcards for the place I visit and one was a pack of 10 of cat art from the Met)

The METS - A shut out win (the best damned soft tacos OH GOD I'd KILL FOR THOSE TACOS) a few new touches to make the stadium more of the home of the Mets and less as a homage to teams of yesteryear. A beautiful night filled with the sights and sounds of my favorite game favorite team and a full moon that was more than a little distracting.

Celebrity sightings. Seth Rogen ,Chelsea Clinton and a soap opera actor who I still have not looked up lol

Sex and the City in the city. Spent a wonderful day catching up with old friends and then spending a little bit of time honing my own fashion sense in Mecca which was conveniently just down the street!

The flight home. A fabulous view of the sun making its way into the ocean. It was amazing. Some freaking top notch chocolate chip cookies (that i can not find anywhere) and the knowledge that on the other end of the flight my baby girl and my dark cold bed was waiting for me. I had a wonderful time New York. Until we meet again......

BLOG BLOG BLOG

For as long as I can remember I have been able to immerse myself in the pages of a book. Good bad and sometimes ugly it did not matter. The words jumped off the page and took me to places (both real and imaginary) and introduced me to people that I doubt I will ever experience or know in this life time. The first time I realized that I wanted to be a writer was around eleven when reading a Sweet Valley High book by Francine Pascal. In fact the first novel I wrote was a direct rip-off of the series (can someone say copyright infringement). I was an Elisabeth for sure but Jessica she was the tease and the tantalizer that made the series hum. How I loved that series and to this day I am indebted to it for helping me through so many pre-teen dramas. The second author that stole my heart was L.J Smith. I started reading her work my senior year in High School and I feel in love for the very first time with a literary character (and have probably compared him to every man I have known or wanted to know since). Oh Mr Salvatore how I wanted to have you jump off the pages of that paperback book and take me away to Italy to eat bruschetta until I realized I had to be turned or people would think I was your mother (calling all cougars ;). Imagine my delight when the books became a T.V. series and my first love Stefan came roaring onto the screen in all his perfection and glory (not that he hadn't been roaming around my head in different incarnations for 18+ years). To bad it was at least 10 years to late for me to even have a shot (even though he technically a century older than me) at the boy of my dreams. She wrote a series on witches, The Secret Circle that lead me to study wicca and find respect and awe for the world around me. Through her work I discovered a new genre of books that had until that point been confined to the reading of Bram Stokers Dracula ( I have a habit of finding contempt in books I was forced to read. My apologies to the Count). From that day on I was drawn to books about otherworldly creatures and the spin that different authors would weave into the fabric of the lore that had come before them. I have loved many Authors and read thousands of books. There have been gaps in my life where reading was not a major component in my day to day life (in those times it always felt like something was missing and there was an outlet that I longed to rediscover) but a review or a cover or a suggestion by a friend would lead me to someone new and I would pick up where I left off with a new found vigor and desire to absorb everything that person had written (Thank you Jane Austen ,Anne Rice, Jennifer Wiener, Jane Green, Stephenie Meyer and most recently Charlene Harris). I have always held in my mind the deep desire to put my own words to the page. My mind is overflowing with characters and plot line, scenes and location. When alone I run conversations between my characters over and over in my head. When I read or watch T.V. I rewrite the dialogue or outcomes to my liking. I am walking plethora of ideas that have never come to fruition. I have let the trapping of making a living keep me from truly pursuing that dream. To many (and to even myself) that is just an excuse but an excuse that is hard to argue with when you need to keep a roof over you head and food in your cats bowl. Recently several people in my life have told me to NOT let those trapping suck all of the joy out of my life (oh so easier said than done in my current situation). One person in particular has been on me for a very long time to at the very least put my thoughts down in a (in her words) BLOG BLOG BLOG... I suppose that the very least I can do for myself and my childhood dream it to make an attempt at a change. Teeny Tiny baby steps to finding a voice and a spark in a fire that has all but burned out but could never bee fully extinguished. As those who know me can attest I am very rarely at a loss for words. So I am going to do my very best,when the mood strikes or the subject provokes me to put those thoughts,feelings and musings to this page. Here on my BLOG BLOG BLOG (are you happy now?)